The end.

He made his choice today.

He doesn't want me to come there for him coz he's scared if the relationship doesn't work out it would be a waste and would feel very guilty.

He doesn't want a long distance relationship. "I don't think this would work coz we are too similar to each other and we are so competitive. I don't want to compete with you. I can't compete with you."

He doesn't know if we can work things out. I don't know if he wants to.

If not anything else, I’m glad he made the decision. He wanted the break. My pleas that I needed to know I was coming back to someone. I needed to come home at the end of this journey - were met with "I can't handle this at this point in my life. I have too many things on my plate. Besides, you're leaving anyway."

I was getting very tired of his sitting on the fence. I needed him to make a choice. His "I'm equally torn between wanting to be with you and not wanting to be with you." was a shitty excuse for the delay and hard for me to handle.

For his telling me 2days ago that he loved me and missed me, today became "I miss having someone next to me when I open my eyes. I miss spending time with someone over the weekend" I guess saying that he missed having me next to him and spending time with me wasn't what he wanted.

He wants us to be friends. "I have spent the last 10 years being your friend. We lived together and intimately knew each others thoughts and emotions. It’s like a large chunk of my life is being deleted."

And another chapter ends.

"This is the end
Beautiful friend
This is the end
My only friend, the end"

"Of our elaborate plans, the end
Of everything that stands, the end
No safety or surprise, the end
I'll never look into your eyes...again"


"Can you picture what will be
So limitless and free
Desperately in need...of some...stranger's hand
In a...desperate land"

"The blue bus is callin' us
The blue bus is callin' us
Driver, where you taken' us" ~The Doors